Helping your child process death
It’s important to be honest when talking to children about death. To process the experience both cognitively and emotionally, your child may need to ask the same questions and hear the same answers many times in simple and direct language.
Your child’s understanding
Death is a cognitively complex topic, and your child’s understanding of it will vary depending on their age. Children younger than 4 may struggle with the idea that death is permanent. For example, it may take repeated instances of a pet being absent from routines before your child starts missing them.
Even at age 4, children are only beginning to understand what death is. Many still believe that it’s reversible, or that it can be “fixed” by going to a doctor. Children between the ages of 6 and 8 may grasp the finality of death, but they’re still learning what causes it and that it happens to every living thing.
How to navigate this topic
Take your child’s grief seriously. Distracting your child back into a state of happiness can be tempting, but it’s important to let them know that all emotions are okay–even sadness or anger. Books like Something’s Wrong with George can help your child see how other children respond to the death of a loved one. As you read, invite your child to notice how Kaira is feeling. How do her emotions show up in her facial expressions and actions?
Help them process their emotions. There is no one right way to process death. In conversation with your child, keep your language clear and honest: “George’s body stopped working so he died. I’m so sorry. He can’t get better.” Even if they don’t want to discuss the loss with you, they may act it out through their play with stuffed animals or dolls.
A ritual like a memorial service or funeral can help your child understand that they won’t be able to see their pet or loved one again. It can be brief and simple—even looking at pictures or sharing memories can be meaningful.
More expert advice
The Lovevery Podcast
In this episode of The Lovevery Podcast, CEO Jesssica Rolph and Michele Benyo, founder of Good Grief Parenting, discuss how parents can support their children through the death of a pet or loved one.
Talking about death – My New Life
The Lovevery App
Download our app to get free answers to your parenting questions. Send a quick note in the Ask & Learn tab, and you’ll hear from a Lovevery child development expert within 72 hours.
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It’s important to be honest when talking to children about death. To process the experience both cognitively and emotionally, your child may need to ask the same questions and hear the same answers many times in simple and direct language. Your child’s understanding Death is a cognitively complex topic, and your child’s understanding of it … Continued