What to do when your child bites someone else

Listen to the “What Do We Use Our Teeth For?” song

It can feel upsetting—and maybe even embarrassing—when your child bites another person, whether it’s a playmate, a sibling, a caregiver, or you. But they really aren’t trying to hurt anyone. When a young child resorts to biting, they’re usually just overwhelmed by emotions and don’t have the words to express how they feel.  

Learning how to cope with big feelings is a complicated process that takes time and practice. Just as you teach your child how to eat with utensils or get dressed on their own, you can help them learn to manage their frustration, anger, and other intense emotions without biting or acting out physically.  

Explain that feelings are okay, but biting isn’t

You can say, “It’s okay to be mad, but it isn’t okay to bite. Biting hurts.” This validates your child’s emotions while setting a clear boundary for their behavior.

If your child bites a playmate, show them how to express concern

Instead of forcing your child to apologize, help them comfort the person they hurt: “Biting made your friend feel sad. They’re crying. Let’s see if we can make it better.” Young children are still learning to understand how others feel and experience the world—experts refer to this as “perspective taking.” You can help your child make this connection by explaining how biting hurts and makes someone else feel sad. 

Show them other ways of handling emotions

Even adults struggle sometimes to handle big feelings in healthy ways. One effective way to help your child is through co-regulation, or showing them how to manage emotions by doing it together. You might stay close, hug your child, or model deep breathing.

Talk about strategies for calming their body

The physical sensations of anger and frustration—faster breathing, pounding heart, muscle tightness—can feel overwhelming to a young child. During a quiet moment, talk about strategies for calming their body when they’re upset. For example:

• Taking deep breaths
• Squeezing a pillow
• Jumping up and down

Help them use the words for their feelings

The Emotion Match Mirror & Cards Set from The Enthusiast Play Kit is designed to help your child recognize and name emotions—a big step toward building empathy. Exploring emotions in a playful way is an opportunity to have simple but important conversations: “This is how I look when I’m angry” or  “What are some things you do when you’re frustrated?”

Try to stay calm in the moment 

Biting can feel like a big deal when it happens, and it’s natural to react in a big way. But the most effective way to help your child manage their emotions is to model strategies for staying calm. Remember that biting is a very common behavior in young children and doesn’t reflect your parenting or your child’s character.  

Reconnect

Reconnecting with you is a key part of moving forward after a biting incident. Your child needs to know that you’re there to support them even when they get upset or angry. Reestablish this connection by offering a hug, reading a book, making a snack, or playing a game together. 

More expert advice

In this episode of our “My New Life” podcast, Lovevery CEO Jessica Rolph talks with educational specialist Chazz Lewis, also known as “Mr. Chazz,” about simple ways to co-regulate emotions with a toddler.

Co-regulating emotions with Mr. Chazz – My New Life

We’ve all been there: Witnessing the big emotions that roll in from the left field and feeling ill prepared for the storm that follows. It can be the wrong utensil, the wrong lovey, or just the wrong side of the bed. Toddlers are excellent at showing emotions but not yet skilled at expressing them, that is why they need our help naming and understanding their feelings.   Jessica Rolph, your host, is joined by Chazz Lewis, popularly known as Mr. Chazz, on today’s episode. Mr. Chazz walks us through how to co-regulate and offers tips on how to best communicate what the child is feeling in these dysregulated situations. He is an educational specialist who oversees 9 preschools.   Key Takeaways: [1:44] What is the concept of co-regulation? [4:45] Mr. Chazz gives some insight into what this co-regulation moment looks like. [7:54] A story about a frustrated 3-year-old girl who was not heard beautifully illustrates this process. [17:46] Should parents ask for children to apologize or even force an apology? [22:06] What does shame specifically look like?   Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com Learn more about Mr. Chazz Find more guidance from Mr. Chazz at Patreon Follow Mr. Chazz on TikTok

Stage-based guidance

Kicking, biting, and hitting: Here’s what to know about understanding and responding to your toddler when big emotions come out in physical reactions.

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About Lovevery: Stage-based play for your child’s developing brain

Wouldn’t it be nice if parenthood came with an instruction manual? Our award-winning Play Kits support your child’s growth and development at every stage with expert-designed playthings for ages 0 to 5. The Play Kits are paired with an app and parent guide that offer week-by-week and toy-by-toy guidance.

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