What playing with friends looks like for your 2-year-old

Does your 2-year-old play next to other children and sometimes play with them? Don’t be surprised if you get this question at your child’s next check up with the pediatrician. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) includes this social and emotional milestone as part of a checklist at 30 months. But what exactly does it mean to play next to another child? And how does that differ from playing “with” them? Here’s what you need to know: 

The 6 stages of social play

Children playing together may seem simple on the surface: You set them down with a few toys and they interact. But there’s a lot happening developmentally to get them to a place where they can truly cooperate and play together. Social play develops through a series of defined stages:

1. Unoccupied play: Primarily seen during the baby stage, this form of play is about discovering their body and how it works.

2. Solitary play: During solitary play, older babies and children engage with a toy or activity without interacting with another person. 

3. Onlooker play: A child observes another child or group of children without talking or actively playing with them. 

4. Parallel play: This is when your child plays next to—but not with—another child. They may respond to or imitate their playmate, but they don’t share materials or influence each other’s behavior. 

5. Associative play: A child plays with another child or children doing the same activity but they lack a common focus or goal—for example, all running around together on a playground or all pretending to be kittens.

6. Cooperative play: With this type of play, children coordinate and work together to achieve a shared goal, like playing “doctor’s office” with specific roles or constructing the longest possible toy train track. 

What stage of play should my 2-year-old be in?

Most 2-year-olds tend to fit somewhere between solitary and parallel play. But soon, you may see glimpses of associative play, where they actually play “with” other children—for example, they may dig in the sand or pretend to drink tea together. These moments show that your child is trying to tune in to others and figure out how to interact. 

The leap to associative play requires that both children work together toward a simple goal. This can be difficult at age 2, so you may see your toddler avoid playing with others or needing a break after a few minutes. Most children aren’t reliably playing “with” other children until around age 3.

What should you tell your pediatrician?

Be honest about your 2-year-old’s social play. If they mostly interact with other children at childcare, you can ask their providers how they do. 

If your child doesn’t seem to play near or with other children, there are many possible explanations, including temperament, level of social experience, language skills, auditory or visual processing skills, and neurodivergence. Your child’s pediatrician may have more insight into your child’s specific strengths and needs based on their other areas of development.

Learn more about the research

Breeland, N., Henderson, A. M., & Low, R. (2022). Initial interactions matter: Warm-up play affects 2-year-olds’ cooperative ability with an unfamiliar same-aged peer. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 218, 105328.

Brownell, C. A., Ramani, G. B., & Zerwas, S. (2006). Becoming a social partner with peers: Cooperation and social understanding in one‐and two‐year‐olds. Child development, 77(4), 803-821.

Parten, M. B. (1932). Social participation among pre-school children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 27(3), 243.

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