It’s hard—and exciting—to be 2: advice for navigating this underrated stage

One moment, your toddler is happily climbing into their car seat, and the next, they’re crying and pushing your hands away because they want to buckle the straps all on their own 🙃 Your 2-year-old is caught in the push-pull between striving for independence and needing your support, sometimes at exactly the same time. 

The behavioral changes and challenges that come with this age reflect the whirlwind of new thoughts and feelings they’re experiencing. Your toddler is learning new words and ideas every day, but their emotional development and executive function skills aren’t developing at the same pace. At the same time, 2-year-olds can be more capable than we give them credit for, and they crave the chance to be independent and try new things. 

What’s behind your 2-year-old’s challenging behavior?

They’re trying to figure out how to communicate. Your 2-year-old’s vocabulary may be growing rapidly, but they still have many thoughts and feelings that they can’t put into words. Sometimes it’s because they’re emotionally overwhelmed; at others, they just don’t have the language yet. Their inability to tell you how they feel in these moments can be very frustrating for your child—and for you. 

They have trouble regulating their emotions. Things that may feel minor to you can feel monumental to your toddler. Their prefrontal cortex—the part of their brain that helps put life’s challenges into perspective—needs many more years to develop. 

They aren’t ready for logic. At this stage, your child is unable to see another person’s point of view or how their actions affect others, even if you try to explain. Being late to Grandma’s party means nothing to a 2-year-old when they’re focused on play, extra tired, or just plain overwhelmed. 

How to help your 2-year old thrive during this exciting yet tricky time

Let them help

Your toddler wants to be involved. They from watching and imitating you and from trying out new skills themselves. When you prepare food or fold laundry, consider inviting your 2-year-old to participate with a task of their own, like putting fruit in a bowl or matching socks. These experiences can make the difference between a meltdown and a moment of pride and connection.

Make time and space for them to explore

Your toddler quickly absorbs new information and ideas through everyday experiences and play. When you can, try to slow down and minimize expectations. Some free, unstructured time can encourage your child to try new skills or dive deeper into exploration. 

Give them a chance to try

It can be tempting to say, “Be careful!” and swoop in when your child wants to climb a new playground structure. Many 2-year-olds are surprisingly capable. Stay close for safety, but let your 2-year-old see what they can do. They’ll get more agile and confident with practice. 

Be there

So much of your toddler’s challenging behavior is out of their control, and may even be scary and overwhelming to them. They need your love and comfort more than ever as they explore new emotions and take small steps toward independence ❤️

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