Helping your baby through their big, new feelings

Many babies start to experience big emotions as they become more mobile and aware of the world around them. New fears and separation anxiety may intensify now that your child has a better understanding of routines and what makes them feel safe.

In this post:

• Article: How to ease your baby’s fears
• Article: 5 tips for helping a baby with stranger anxiety
• Activity: Combat separation anxiety

How to ease your baby’s fears

Between 6 and 18 months, your baby may develop some unexpected new fears. A familiar dog or family friend may scare them now. They may suddenly start to cry at loud sounds, like thunder or a vacuum cleaner. They may even begin to fear regular parts of their routine, like taking a bath or having their nails trimmed.

These are common fears that should subside on their own in a few months. In the meantime, here are some tips to help: 

• Avoid the trigger when possible. If your baby is scared of a neighbor’s dog approaching, pick them up and move to the other side of the street. Or, if they are scared of taking a bath, try a sponge bath instead. 
• Be patient and don’t force it. It can be hard when your baby starts to fear a familiar relative or friend. But if they start to cry or don’t want to interact with someone, it’s better not to push it. 
• Notice, name, and validate their feelings. For example, you might say, “That was a loud sound. Are you feeling scared? Don’t worry, it was just a car horn honking.” 
• Help them calm down. If something scares your baby, pick them up and hold them close until they stop crying ❤️
• Say good-bye when you leave. Separation anxiety can also show up at this age. Be sure to say a quick good-bye instead of sneaking out. Reassure your baby that you will come back and offer a positive distraction. 
  

5 tips for helping a baby with stranger anxiety

Around 8 to 10 months of age, many babies develop stranger anxiety, a fear of unfamiliar people that can include friends, neighbors, and family members they don’t regularly see. Even a change in a familiar person’s physical appearance—a new beard or sunglasses—can trigger stranger anxiety.

Don’t worry that your baby is unfriendly if they cry, fuss, turn their head away, or cling when they meet someone they don’t recognize. It’s easy to feel embarrassed or even responsible when your baby rejects a person you care about, but these kinds of behaviors are actually a sign of social-emotional growth. Your baby is beginning to recognize people they know and may be hesitant or wary of those they don’t. 

Stranger anxiety is developmentally appropriate and won’t last forever—most children outgrow it by the age of 3. In the meantime, here are some strategies to try: 

1. Manage expectations

When it’s possible, tell new people ahead of time that your baby is going through a new stage of development and may need a little extra time before they are ready to be held or even talked to. This can be tricky for grandparents and other family members your baby may have felt comfortable with in the past. Reassure them that your baby’s uncertainty is part of their growth and it will pass ❤️

2. Wait for signs of comfort

Let people know to wait for signs of comfort from your baby before they pick them up or touch them. This could mean a smile, raised arms, or your baby initiating touch. Picking up a baby who is feeling anxious will likely make the situation worse, despite best intentions. A good rule of thumb is to read your baby’s cues and let them lead.

3. Take it slow

Try to do initial greetings in a calm way so your baby feels safe. You can also recommend that visitors speak in a low voice, limit eye contact, and move slowly around your baby.

4. Validate your baby’s feelings

If your baby shows signs of stranger anxiety, try to remain calm and provide support and understanding. Avoid using “don’t” phrases (like “Don’t cry” and “Don’t be scared”) or dismissing their fears. Instead, acknowledge that new people, situations, and routines can be uncomfortable: ‘”You don’t know this person and you feel nervous. That’s okay. They’re here to take care of you, and you’ll get to know them soon.”

A game to combat separation anxiety

Play a hello-and-goodbye game in the Organic Cotton Play Tunnel to help your little one understand that when you leave, you always come back ❤️

1. Toss a ball into the tunnel to entice your baby to crawl through.
2. As they enter the tunnel, wave and say, “Goodbye!”
3. When they emerge on the other side, be there to greet them with “Hello!”

As your baby becomes familiar with greeting rituals, they begin to understand that people who disappear from sight aren’t gone forever.

Keep Exploring:

• Crawling on all fours strengthens your baby’s body and brain
• Preparing to take their first steps
• Encouraging your baby’s first words

Learn more about the research

Bridgett, D. J., Gartstein, M. A., Putnam, S. P., Lance, K. O., Iddins, E., Waits, R., … & Lee, L. (2011). Emerging effortful control in toddlerhood: The role of infant orienting/regulation, maternal effortful control, and maternal time spent in caregiving activities. Infant Behavior and Development, 34(1), 189-199.

Ehrenreich, J., Santucci, L. C., & Weiner, C. L. (2008). Separation anxiety disorder in youth: Phenomenology, assessment, and treatment. Psicologia Conductual, 1, 389–412.

Ruffman, T., Slade, L., & Crowe, E. (2002). The relation between children’s and mothers’ mental state language and theory-of-mind understanding. Child Development, 73(3), 734-751.