3 ways to connect with your 2-year-old when things feel challenging

You might feel at odds with your 2-year-old a lot these days. They won’t get into the bath, they won’t get out of the bath. They want their green cup—wait, no, not that green cup 🙃 What do you do? When things get challenging, parenting coach and author Gen Muir says to stay focused on connection. Here’s how:

3 essential strategies for connected parenting

1. Help them feel loved

There are many different ways to help your child feel loved, but at this age they still really rely on physical touch—whether that’s hugs, high fives, a rubbed back, or a few minutes in your lap while they play. As they grow, kind words and acts will become important modes of connection as well. These simple moments create a caring context for getting through the rough spots.

2. Help them feel safe

Setting and holding boundaries is important for helping your 2-year-old feel secure—even when they get frustrated or push back. They need to know that a caring adult will step in and take control when they’re doing something unsafe or inappropriate: “I won’t let you pull the cat’s tail. That hurts her.” 

3. Help them feel heard

We want to fix things for our children so they don’t have to experience difficult emotions, like anger, sadness, jealousy. But they need to experience those feelings in order to build resilience and learn to cope. During challenging moments, what they need most is to know that you understand how they’re feeling: “You really wish you could be close to the cat. You’re so frustrated right now.” 

Learn more about the research

Field, T. (2010). Touch for socioemotional and physical well-being: A review. Developmental review, 30(4), 367-383.

Tronick, E. (2007). The neurobehavioral and social-emotional development of infants and children. WW Norton & Company.

Woltering, S., Lishak, V., Elliott, B., Ferraro, L., & Granic, I. (2015). Dyadic attunement and physiological synchrony during mother-child interactions: An exploratory study in children with and without externalizing behavior problems. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 37, 624-633.

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