“How can I get my toddler to play independently?”

Parents ask:

“How do I help my 18-month-old learn to play independently? He usually cries and wants to be picked up whenever I stop playing with him and try to get something else done.” 

Lovevery experts answer:

Independent play is a great skill to work on at this stage—and it can take some time and practice. At 18 months, your child can gradually work up to a few minutes of independent play at a time, but you’ll want to stay close ❤️ Sitting quietly next to your child and observing as they play is a good way to start. Right now, it sounds like your child may need the comfort and reassurance of having you right by their side. 

Here’s what experts want parents to know about independent play:

1. Independent play looks different age by age

As your child gets older, they’ll be able to play independently for longer and longer stretches. But for the next few years, these stretches will be relatively short because their attention span is still developing. Independent play may last up to 4 minutes at ages 1 and 2. Three- and 4-year-olds may be able to play without direct adult involvement for up to 8 minutes. Of course, this can vary from child to child and even from day to day. They may struggle more when they’re feeling hungry, tired, sick, or experiencing separation anxiety.

2. They’ll still need supervision and help from you

For young children, especially those under age 3, these short independent play sessions still require your supervision. Remain nearby so that if your child gets stuck or frustrated, you can offer a little encouragement or show them the next step, then go back to watching quietly. Your reassuring presence may be enough to get them back to playing on their own—but kisses and cuddles work, too 😉 

3. Separation anxiety can cause a (temporary) setback

If your child frequently cries and wants to be picked up, they may be experiencing separation anxiety, which is common in babies and toddlers. The best thing to do is stay close and comfort them whenever they need it ❤️ It’s natural to worry that picking them up will perpetuate this behavior, but being a steady, secure base can help your child build the confidence to start doing more on their own. 

4. Even short sessions can make a difference

Independent play can help increase your child’s attention span, confidence, autonomy, and problem-solving skills. Even a brief time playing independently can build their stamina so they can work toward longer sessions. Whenever your child does play independently, try not to interrupt. If they glance up to make sure you’re still there, give them a reassuring smile and see if they go back to playing. 

Meet the Lovevery experts who answered this question

Sarah Piel, MSEd

Sarah Piel is a certified special education teacher and child development expert. For over 15 years she has worked with children from birth to age 5 to support social, emotional, cognitive, and language learning.

Gabrielle Felman, MSED, LCSW

Gabrielle Felman, founder of Felman Early Childhood Consulting, works with children from birth to age 7 to support social, emotional, and cognitive learning.

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