How to use “scaffolding” to teach your toddler new skills with less frustration

Your 2-year-old may be showing an interest in doing more tasks independently—putting on their shoes, pouring milk, or getting dressed. Should you let them try even though they may fail—or just do it for them? It can be hard to know your role, especially when you’re trying to avoid a meltdown. 

The answer might be somewhere in between. Here’s what to know about “scaffolding”—a parenting technique that helps your child learn how to do complex tasks with less frustration: 

What is scaffolding—and why does it matter?

Scaffolding simply means helping your child just enough by breaking down a task into smaller, manageable steps. For example, putting on a shirt involves choosing a shirt, putting it over their head, putting their right arm through, putting their left arm through, then pulling down the shirt. As you talk through the steps, encourage your child to do any part of the task they can, then you do the rest. Children tend to have stronger executive functioning skills, particularly problem-solving, when their parents practice scaffolding.

How to practice scaffolding in daily life

Put toothpaste on their toothbrush. It’s hard for a 2-year-old to squeeze toothpaste on a toothbrush, but they can hold their brush while you put the paste on for them. 

Help them brush or comb their own hair. Use the hand-over-hand technique: Have them hold their brush, then place your hand over theirs to guide their combing motion. As your child gets the hang of it, allow them to try it without your help. 

Line up the car seat buckles. Once your child is in their car seat, align the buckles so they can easily snap them together. Once they have that part down, give them a little more control: Only hold the base for support, then let your child connect and snap the buckles themselves. 

Teach them to serve their own food. Preload the serving spoon, then guide their hand as they dish food onto their plate. It can help to use lightweight serving utensils and place their plate close to the serving bowl.   When they have that coordination down, try letting them scoop out food on their own.

Learn more about the research

Landry, S. H., Miller-Loncar, C. L., Smith, K. E.,  & Swank, P. R. (2002) The role of early parenting in children’s development of executive processes. Developmental Neuropsychology, 21:1, 15-41.

Edlynn, E. (2023). Autonomy-supportive parenting: Reduce parental burnout & raise competent, confident children. Familius. 

Fay‐Stammbach, T., Hawes, D. J., & Meredith, P. (2014). Parenting influences on executive function in early childhood: A review. Child Development Perspectives, 8(4), 258-264.

Hughes, C. H., & Ensor, R. A. (2009). How do families help or hinder the emergence of early executive function?. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2009(123), 35-50.

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