When to set a boundary with your toddler—and when to let it go

The next time you’re about to stop your toddler from doing something, try asking yourself whether the limit is really worth setting. 

Toddlers are programmed to push limits. Maintaining those boundaries is essential when your child is being unsafe or behaving inappropriately. But what about all the little things that feel irritating or inconvenient, but otherwise aren’t that big of a deal?

If your toddler is playing in mud, for example, you may worry they’ll get their clothes, car seat, or stroller dirty, which will take extra time to clean. Or, if they’re splashing in the bathtub, the floor may get covered with water. Do you stop them or let them play? 

6 key questions to ask yourself when setting limits

1. Is my toddler safe? 
2. Are they hurting anyone or damaging anything important? 
3. Do the benefits of letting them explore outweigh the downsides? 
4. Do I have time to let them do this right now? 
5. Is this a limit I really want to set or am I being influenced by other people?
6. Is this a limit I’m willing to be consistent about? 

You get to decide what’s really important

Sometimes it’s hard to know, especially in the moment, whether a limit is worth setting. Take a moment to think about what really matters to you.

Limits serve an important purpose for both you and your toddler. At the same time, you don’t want to set so many that your toddler is constantly bumping up against them. Too many boundaries can actually lead to more power struggles or make your toddler reluctant to try new things. 

Limit setting can differ from person to person and family to family. Your sister may not be okay with something that is okay with you. There is no one right or wrong answer. Ultimately, you need to do what works best for your family ❤️