3 ways to boost your toddler’s friendship skills

When your toddler is with other children—at child care, on play dates, or in play groups—you may see glimmers of the social relationships to come. A pair of toddlers might exchange giggles as they each build and knock down their own stack of blocks. Sometimes they’ll even imitate each other’s words—“Oh no!”—as their towers tumble.  

If your toddler often plays with the same children, they may smile or run over when they see a familiar face. Research suggests these early peer preferences can last for years.

What if your toddler doesn’t seem interested in friends?

Don’t worry if your child doesn’t interact much with other children or have a particular playmate quite yet—they may just need more time to get comfortable. Observing is a great way for your toddler to learn about social behavior, too.

Your toddler still learns the majority of their social skills from the adults in their life. It’s hard for a young child to learn social norms from someone who is still learning, too. Until your child is ready to share ideas and toys with other children, they need you to help them understand what it means to be a good playmate. 

Try these ideas to help your toddler start building their friendship skills.

1. Show your toddler that sometimes people want different things

Try asking your child something like, “Do you want bananas or strawberries?” and give them time to respond. Deliberately choose the opposite for yourself and point it out: “You want bananas and I want strawberries! Sometimes we want different foods.”

2. Play “Pass the Ball” and other turn-taking games

Demonstrate how to take turns and enjoy interactions with others with a simple game of “Pass the Ball.” You and your toddler can pass a ball to each other, or you can play this game in a circle with another child and adult. 

3. Give your toddler chances to help

The next time your toddler takes a bath, ask them to hand you things that are out of your reach. Or, if a child at the playground drops a toy, help your toddler retrieve it, pointing out the effect of their actions: “Oh, we handed her the truck and now she has a big smile!” Research shows that toddlers often want to help. Giving them lots of practice in different situations can make them feel like a “helpful” person and, eventually, a helpful friend. 

Learn more about the research 

Howes, C. (1983). Patterns of friendship. Child Development, 54(4) 1041-1053.

Thompson, R. A. (2000). The legacy of early attachments. Child Development, 71(1), 145-152.

Warneken, F., & Tomasello, M. (2006). Altruistic helping in human infants and young chimpanzees. Science, 311(5765), 1301-1303.