Why fewer choices help your child establish independence

Though it may feel counterintuitive, the way to help ease your child into increasing independence is actually to narrow their choices. The world is very large to them, and when they don’t know what to pick from, they can easily get overwhelmed. 

Psychologists recommend giving your 2-year-old only two choices at a time—three at the very most—when they want to make decisions.

Everyday opportunities to give your 2-year-old choices

Getting dressed

“Do you want your striped shirt or your orange shirt?” If your child chooses something else entirely, like their polka dot dress, they’ve still participated in getting dressed. If they pick something that just won’t work—like a swimsuit in January—try to find a compromise that also honors their choice. For example, maybe they can wear the swimsuit under their shirt and pants, or you find a special place to leave it so they can put it on once you get back home.

Leaving the park

Stopping any fun activity—like playing at the park or a birthday party—can be really tough for small children. They don’t yet understand time, but offering a 2-minute notice (or 5 minutes or any consistent number under 10) helps them understand they’ll be leaving soon.

•  “We’re leaving in 2 minutes. Do you want to go down the slide once more or have one more turn on the swing?”
• “It’s time to put on your shoes. Should I put them on for you or do you want to try first?”

Cleaning up

Between 24 and 30 months, many children start to put things away on their own and may also want to help with other aspects of cleaning. This “cleaning up” can look disorganized and haphazard, but the goal is to turn it into a habit, not perfect cleanliness. If they resist cleaning up, offering a choice between two small tasks can actually increase the chances they help out 🙂

• “Would you like to put away the blocks or the books?” 
• “Do you want to sweep with your broom or spray and squeegee the glass?

Getting ready for bed

Even a well-established bedtime ritual can include some choices, as long as there aren’t too many—and the choices don’t deviate too much from the goal of getting to bed. You can tape the Let’s Map It Out Routine Cards from The Helper Play Kit on the wall—or simply hold them—and point at them when offering your child choices.

• “Do you want to brush your own teeth at the beginning or the end?  
• “We’re going to read one book tonight. Here are two to choose from: Which one would you like?” If they insist on reading both, try to be consistent. If you always give in and read two, your child may soon expect two books every night. They crave consistency and are often thrown off when things change.
• Offering choices can be a great strategy when your child is delaying parts of your routine. If they’re playing when it’s time to get into bed, you can say “Do you want to hop to bed or would you like me to carry you?”

Having a snack

Many children at this age love to be involved in food preparation. This can be challenging when you’re in a hurry, but there are some simple ways to give your child some choices. In the kitchen, there are times when your child can elect both choices, and that’s okay too.

• “Do you want to peel this banana or break it into pieces?” 
• “Would you like slices of apple or slices of orange?” 
• “Would you like to eat your snack at the counter or the table?”

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